Insults for Every Occasion

From time to time, we all get a bit ticked off with officialdom. It Seems as if there is always a 'jobsworth' who gets in your way. It may just be somebody you come across who irritates you beyond belief. On these occasions phrases like "Go away!" and "I don't Like you!" DO NOT suffice. Over the centuries sarcasm and cynicism has become almost an art form. Bearing all of the above in mind, whatever the occasion, we hope that you will find an appropriate (or inappropriate!) insult here. Please send us your insults via e mail to

Jules Brownridge reports that he once heard someone referred to as
"A waste of good skin!"

Nancy to Winston Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."
Winston "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception!"

"I bet your friends have nicknamed you 'Thrush' because you really are an irritating Twat!"

"You're like a zit on the arse of humanity!"

"Which stone did you crawl out from under!"

"I wish I was a vicar, then I could marry your parents!"

"I love your hair! Did you come here on a motorbike?"

"The last time I happened upon a mouth like yours, it still had a hook in it!"

"I bet that you get invited to lots of parties - ONCE!"

"You seem a very 'fair' person, in that you 'slag everyone off' equally!"

Insults for Every Occasion